Stones and pebbles

Stones, pebbles and sand

This is one of my favourite stories to tell and never grows old. Once you have heard it you only have to remind yourself now and then about the stones. The stones in my jar tend to change especially when something major happens. It does not come as a surprise that my jar had a major overhaul in the last few months. You can apply this metaphor to your homelife, your working life (it is often used in time management courses) and whenever you get overloaded with information and tasks to do.

I am sure most of you have heard of ‘The jar with Stones, pebbles and sand’ in one way or another, but just to remind you or if you have never heard it, here it is:

A philosophy professor stood before his class with a large empty jar, a pile of stones, a tub of pebbles and bag full of sand. He filled the jar with large stones all the way to the top and asked his students if they thought the jar was full. All the students agreed that yes, the jar was full.

He then added small pebbles to the jar, rattled the jar so they went in all the free spaces and asked again, “Do you think the jar is full now?” The students nodded and said that yes, the jar was indeed full.

The professor then poured sand into the jar, shook the jar so that the sand filled up the rest of the space and asked again. The students laughed and agreed that the jar was finally full.

The professor went on to explain that the jar signifies one’s life.

The big stones are equivalent to the most important things in your life, such as family, health, and relationships and if the pebbles and sand were lost, the jar would still be full and your life would still have a meaning.

The pebbles represent the other things that matter in your life, such as your work, school, and house. These things often come and go, and are not permanent or essential to your overall well-being.

And finally, the sand represents the remaining small stuff and material possessions in your life. You may think that these things mean something to you but as a whole they do not have as much influence over your life as the big stuff mentioned above. They likely cost you a lot of time to get done.

If you start filling your jar/life with sand, you will not have room for the stones and the pebbles in your life. This holds true for the things you let into your life too.

You will run out of time to spend on the things that are actually important if you spend all of your time on the small and insignificant things. In order to have a more effective life, prioritize important things in your life and then worry about pebbles and sand at a later time.

This story has been circulating for a long time (I do not even know who the original author is) and reminds you to think of the important things of life, your life! I was strongly reminded by this story during this lockdown. Talking to friends, neighbours and family, the one message that repeatedly came through was the sudden stress that people experienced. Change causes stress, the unknown causes stress and insecurity causes stress. A lot of us find that difficult to deal with.

So how do you deal with suddenly having more jobs than you planned for (parent, employee or employer, teacher and/or carer)? How do you deal with cancelled holidays, exams, being together 24/7 or too far apart and not being able to see your family? How do you deal with the threat of losing your job and facing financial problems?

The first step is accepting what you cannot change. Then think about your pillars, your support in your life, when everything seems to fall apart you are still ok because you still are surrounded by your pillars. What do you have in your life that helps you get through the difficult times?

The jar and the stones help me to understand what I need in any particular moment in life and understanding that it is not set in stone (no pun intended). Why not create a family jar of stones or a jar of worry stones. As well as looking after your big stones (what holds you together as a family) you will need to be aware of what the biggest cause of stress is (your worries) and bearing in mind they may change.

Looking back over the last few months … how has your jar changed, which stones remained and which were changed or removed altogether?

There is another side to the story however which will appear as a separate story.